| RHF Joke Archives | 
Here are more snippets from the one liner file. While preparing RHF,
I collect short jokes that aren't quite worthy of an individual posting
in the one liner file. Every so often I put digests of these out to
the group. (Beware that some readers, such as NN, will mistakenly
present all these items in the digest as individual articles.
Undigestification is a stupid kludge, but you have to live with it.)
These short items may contain swearing, mature themes and stereotypes.
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From: jim@lsuc.on.ca (Jim Mercer)
Subject: funny newsletter title
the canadian bar association (ontario) has a newsletter aimed at estates
and trust accounts called "deadbeat".
hmmmm... does this mean that lawyers do have a sense of humor?
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From: tale@cs.rpi.edu (David C Lawrence)
Subject: Atlanta's Failing Franchises
>From "Who Dat", a fictional article by George Alec Effinger in the May
1991 _Playboy_. I've not verified whether this part is fact.
Atlanta's sports teams are about as pitiful as one could hope. They
had a contest recently to choose a slogan for the Braves. One of
the entries read, "Go, Braves! And take the damn Falcons with you!"
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Organization: Intermetrics, Inc. Cambridge MA.
From: johndoe@inmet.inmet.com (johndoe)
Subject: the converse to angels on a pin
heard from a friend who said he heard this joke while on a trip to the
whirl, near liverpool, england.
Q: How do you fit 1000 elephants into a safeway shopping cart?
A: To get the answer, take the s out of safe and the f out of way.
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Subject: Countdown!
From: IRVINMJ@wsuvm1.csc.wsu.edu (Michael J. Irvin, WSU, 509/335-0437)
Source: Colleague at the University of Washington
Question: What is:
ten
nine
eight
seven
six
five
four
three
two
one? (answer below)
|
|
V
Answer: Bo Dereck getting older.
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Organization: Brumfuss U.
From: jjoshua@romulus.rutgers.edu (J. Joshua)
Subject: Urban driving jokes
Heard on K-ROCK, NY area....
The other day I was driving on the GW bridge and this guy changed
lanes right in front of me... From the upper level to the lower level!
And he didn't even signal!
---
They drive so crazy in Chicago that anything moving slower than 65mph
is considered a house.
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Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
From: webdw@mvutd.att.com (Bruce D Woods)
Subject: New Toy Company
AT&T executive overheard at a recent coctail party,
"Did you hear about the new toy company?" he asked.
"No? It's called NCR'US."
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From: elrod@ocf.berkeley.edu (Edward L. Rodriguez)
Subject: end of the gulf war
In regards to Saddam Hussein's brutal repression of post-war rebellions,
comedian Mark Russell said the following:
The Gulf War was a bit like mediocre sex...
we finished too soon.
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From: mnemonic@eff.org (Mike Godwin)
Subject: Sununu
A friend suggests the best name for the scandal surrounding
John Sununu's immoderate reliance on government airplanes:
BoardingGate.
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From: dgates@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Douglas Gates)
Subject: Something to think about
If your knees bent the other way, what would chairs look like?
My sister asked me this one. She probably learned it at Colorado College, but
who's to say for sure?
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From: Roger.Pick@uc.edu (Roger Pick)
Subject: Those who can't teach, teach physical education
Do you know what an assistant dean is? A mouse in training to be a rat.
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach;
those who can't teach, teach teachers.
The rich get richer, the poor get teachers.
Jesus Christ was a good teacher, but he didn't publish.
----
The above appeared in The Chronicle for Higher Education, page A15
of the May 8, 1991 issue. I removed them from their context which was an
article about attitudes of academics towards a new emphasis on teaching.
----
Roger Alan Pick
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From: MEDELMA@cms.cc.wayne.edu (Michael Edelman)
Subject: Backwards Country Music, Pt. II
What happens when you play Country music backwards? Not only do you
get your dog, your job, your car and your wife back, but you also
vomit eight cups of coffee and an entire fifth of whiskey.
Apologies from: medelma@cms.cc.edu (Mike Edelman)
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From: slim@tazdevil.llnl.gov (Scott Whitman)
Subject: a quickie
Heard this the other night at a party:
Q: What do you call a sexual intellectual?
A: A fucking know-it-all.
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From: ianr@mullian.ee.mu.oz.au (Ian Rowlands)
Subject: How smart is a man really?
Organization: University of Melbourne, EE Engineering
This is one heard on a local TV show.
What do you call a man who has lost 90% of his intelligence?
A widower
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From: mikek@col.hp.com (Mike Karin)
Seen on a bumper sticker from a store that sells fishing tackle:
"The best way to a man's heart is through his fly!"
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From: jones@udel.edu (Mark Jones)
Subject: Bathroom wall
Written on the bathroom wall in my favorite local bar:
"Support mental health or I'll kill you"
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Subject: Quayle/Sununu
From: 1882p%navpgs.bitnet@utcs.utoronto.ca (Steve Lamont)
Heard Daniel Shorr say this today (Sat, June 22, 1991) on NPR's Weekend
Edition:
George Bush has two problems. Dan Quayle, a heartbeat away from the
Presidency, and John Sununu, a deadbeat away from the Presidency.
spl
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From: laforce@krypton.arc.nasa.gov
Subject: Sexual, Freudian, Oedipal
Heard from a friend at work (who claims it was graffiti in London):
Have you heard about the new fast food resturant called
Kentucky Freud Chicken?
It's mother-fuckin' good!
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From: vsnyder@jato.jpl.nasa.gov (Van Snyder)
Subject: Bumper Sticker
Recently saw a new bumper sticker:
"Congress Happens"
I'm sure you've seen the earlier one on which this is based.
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From: gregr@europen-conf.eu.net (Rose Greg)
Subject: Quote from EurOpen conference
Rob Pike, in a question to the speaker:
"The only thing that is fault tolerant about the Internet is
that the users are prepared to tolerate its faults..."
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From: bcp@proof.ergo.cs.cmu.edu
Subject: Individuality ain't what it used to be
Seen painted on a fence at CMU...
You're 1 in a million; there's 7 1/2 of you in New York.
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From: vsnyder@jato.jpl.nasa.gov (Van Snyder)
Subject: Pit Bull
From my secretary:
What do you do if a Pit Bull is humping your leg?
Fake an orgasm!
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From: px@fct.unl.pt (Joaquim Baptista [pxQuim])
Subject: W. C. prayer
Seen on the W. C. of a bar in Lisbon:
Holy Virgin who conceived without sin
Let me sin without conceiving
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From: richardm@runx.oz.au (Richard Murnane)
Subject: The Cannibal who loved children
Q: Did you hear about the cannibal who loved children?
A: He just adored the platter of little feet...
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From: V2153A@templevm.UUCP
Subject: male persons in religious organizations
Heard this on the radio May 28, 1991 - Philadelphia, Pa.
What do priests call themselves in the rectory?
Unwed Fathers.
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From: vsnyder@jato.jpl.nasa.gov (Van Snyder)
Subject: Farberisms
Quotations from Dave Farber, formerly chairman of CS dept at University
of California Irvine; also University of Delaware:
We're all going down the same road in different directions.
Never sleep with anybody crazier than you are.
A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else.
Submitted by Van Snyder, vsnyder@jato.jpl.nasa.gov
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From: ingram@u.washington.edu (Douglas Ingram)
Subject: lottery, smirk
From John Keister, of Seattle's "Almost Live!" comedy show:
The lottery is just a tax on people who are bad at math.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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